That’s a really hard question to answer actually because therapy is different with every person. Well, that’s not entirely true – we sit and talk together (and engage in play therapy, depending on the age of the person), usually about emotions you’re feeling, your thoughts, important relationships in your life, and, if I’ve done my job properly, the thoughts and feelings that you’re uncomfortable sharing with people due to fears of being judged or rejected. As a quick aside, those are often the thoughts and feelings that give us the most trouble as, by keeping them inside, we do not let ourselves have the experience of someone else hearing these and accepting, understanding, and/or validating them. Instead, these feelings and thoughts, because we insist on hiding them, can become pent up inside as a source of guilt, shame, and pressure.

Back to the question at hand – what is therapy? Well, therapy first and foremost involves the establishment of a therapeutic relationship. Both research and clinical experience indicates that this is by far and away the most important and healing aspect of therapy – to establish a trusting relationship wherein the people I work with feel that I listen to, understand, accept, and empathize with them, that they can trust me to respond to them in a manner that meets their needs and consists of respect and positive regard, and that I will be authentic in my interactions with them, just as they are trying, and expected, to be with me. I have found this type of relationship and connection to be a particularly important component of therapeutic work with adolescents, who are at a stage of development where authenticity and connection are of great importance to them. Creating a relationship wherein a young person can feel accepted and able to express and explore his/her identity is extremely important, for young people are in the process of figuring out who they are and what makes them unique, but yet are also attempting to be accepted by, and to fit in with, their peer group – an inherent conflict.

While this type of therapeutic relationship is healing in and of itself, consistent with some of the most time honored healing practices in our culture, therapy also involves the opportunity to examine one’s habitual ways of seeing and acting in the world. Often times these can, without meaning to, bring out or perpetuate feelings of fear and sadness. By looking at these and exploring alternative ways of seeing and acting in the world, we can set ourselves up to get more of what we need from the world, thereby reducing feelings of sadness, fear, and anger. It is important to recognize that I am not implying that it is your fault for seeing and acting in ways that may perpetuate your sadness, fear, or anger. Rather, it is my belief that in all likelihood you adopted these ways of being and acting for a very good reason at first but that they are no longer working in your favour.

Therapy also offers the opportunity to express previously harboured or concealed emotions and thoughts and to have them met with warmth and acceptance (and possibly even humour). We all harbour thoughts and feelings that we believe are too frightening or shameful to share with others. However, by keeping these inside, they tend to fester and ferment, potentially resulting in feelings of guilt and shame about them. I am a big believer in emphasizing the difference between thoughts/feelings and actions. For the most part, there are no “wrong” or “shameful” feelings or thoughts. However, it is possible to act on these thoughts or feelings in certain ways that may not be acceptable or adaptive. Expressing, exploring, and possibly even laughing about these thoughts and feelings (as appropriate of course) can serve to relieve the shame, anxiety, and guilt associated with them.

Finally, in therapy, we also have the opportunity to address the important relationships in our lives and figure out ways to improve these relationships, either in individual sessions, focusing on how we might enact change in these relationships, or in joint sessions with parents and families in order to work all together on enhancing the quality of these important relationships in our lives.

While these are my beliefs about the various functions of therapy, my philosophy is that we address in therapy whatever it is that would be most helpful for you. The focus of therapy should be on whatever aspects of your life that you deem to be the most appropriate and I will work towards helping you address these in the best way that I can. I may not be certain as to which direction therapy will take, however I am certain of the passion and investment in caring for everyone with whom I work that I bring into each therapeutic relationship.